Review of “Tales of the Shire”

So, you know those adorable hobbits Tolkien gave us? Yeah, they’re like the poster kids for the whole cozy vibe, right? You’d think a game drawing inspiration from them would be a hit. Tales of the Shire: A Lord of the Rings Game should have been this warm, welcoming thing, but it feels like someone left the ingredients out too long or something. Not quite cooked, if you catch my drift.

Picture this: you’re nestled between The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings, timeline-wise. A quick nod from Gandalf and you’re off, playing as this custom hobbit—your very own fluffy-footed adventurer moving into Bywater. The goal? Get it stamped as an official Hobbiton village. Cool, right? But you’re really just chatting up locals and fetching things, often landing in front of a stove to whip up something tasty. Bywater? Not big, but it’s a maze, and your legs will get tired—virtually, I mean. The conversations have charm, though, so there’s that.

Oh, and cooking! It’s everything. Like, garden-to-table, foraging fun. Makes sense for a hobbit-themed game, but after a while, you’re basically Chef Bored-R-Dee. Every mission somehow loops you back to having dinner with a character. Did I mention those repetitive cutscenes? Nothing wrong with them, just kinda… there. The game lacks layers, and weirdly, your hobbit doesn’t ever crave a snack. Doesn’t add up, considering their foodie fame. It’s laid back—maybe too much—since it hardly challenges you.

There’s this day system ticking away like in those farming sims. Time to do all your hobbit-y things—chat, fish, shop. Each character lives their own schedule, running their shops at random times. Stay out late and you’ll snooze longer, but hey, no big deal. I had these moments where I ran out of tasks way too soon and ended up fishing, waiting for time to pass.

Tales of the Shire hits the Nintendo Switch, and yes, the Switch 2 too. I hopped between both like an indecisive cricket. Graphics? Meh. Functional but yawn-worthy. The character designs had me squinting, though props for a dwarf lady with a full beard! Framerate troubles were noticeable on Switch 1, not entirely smooth on Switch 2 either. Red skies, anyone? That happened once and it was wild. Saving frequently became my mantra because the game crashed every 20 minutes. I mean, why does this feel like a tech support case instead of a gaming experience?

Now, here’s the kicker: Tales of the Shire has potential. It’s like staring at a blueprint of an amazing house that’s still missing walls and a roof. With some tweaks—okay, a lot—it might just shine. But now? It’s a shaky ride, and even the beefed-up Switch 2 can’t hold it steady. They could save this mess, make it better, but who knows when or if that’ll happen. Until then, maybe just wait it out.